Cyah believe it’s Tribe Tribe Tribe Tribe…

So yes allyuh I have returned to Tribe after a brief 2 year hiatus.  Making children does put a lil pause on things like mas and galavanting and drinkin…well…for some of us. Anyway, I was a little hesitant for a couple reasons. For one I have reluctantly tortured myself by viewing pictures and videos of Tribe during my missed years and the band seemed to have gotten monstrously large. Ah mean looking like a massive Poison mess! Where had my “no more than 3000 masqueraders” band gone? Surely that could not be them crossing that judging point camera for hours! Maybe the camera was just adding on weight to the band I convinced myself…surely that is not the Tribe I know! With that thought pushed to the back of my mind I proceeded preparing for registration.

Unlike allyuh men, I need a little more than an appropriate color board shorts and a wrist band. So, along with the rest of the fanatics I was poised for registration in July…my finger was on the mouse trigger ready to secure my costume that I had already chosen. Sad to say folks, as I logged on in those first moments of registration and it was reminiscent of 2004 when sections were sold out within SECONDS of the start of registration. So here we are with this so called TLC registration and my section of choice is sold out. I shook my head as I already knew of several people who had never even played with Tribe before, yet they were already registered and well comfortable in meh band. Big fat forkin steups. I have no problem with pre registration, and friends and family registration, and de registration of registration, but when yuh fillin up de band with a set of nevaseecomesees ahead of yuh loyal masqueraders I feel dat is shit! Anywho, as I believe in stickin to the evil that I know vs the unknown I went ahead and registered in one of my alternate sections. That and all was a next bachannal as the online payment system was not working. But if you know me you will know that something like a system glitch will not keep me away from my mas. I will not even get deep into all of that. There are places and people that getting deep into the nitty grity of every crevice of their experience. I sure allyuh bloggers familiar with them so I will spare you. I have meh mas secure…leh we fast forward what seemed like a million months as I waited….and waited….and waited…and waited…for carnival time to come.

So…the time reach, I reach Trinidad, and I organize to go retrieve meh mas. Up that forkin hill again to Cascadia we go, cash in hand. I went on a day that was not assigned to me so I expected a little wait. After we park and approach, we start to hear some soca…GREAT! There was a tent to get a number, a next tent where people were sitting and waiting to be called…a next tent where they were selling boots, little purses to match yuh mas, and handheld breathalyzers to help yuh predict how de breathalyzer traps would handle you. Good stuff! Stepped inside to the bar with my family and had a couple drinks…that was great. Ok…ummm…I still waiting. No scene…everything moving smoothly. Go inside, pay off balance, go to the next spot, pick up meh mas…check out the contents…NICE! Next step go get meh wrist band. The man asks me if this is my first year playing with Tribe. PAUSE! “uhmmmmm, thought we never got past TLC registration?” He smirk, then laugh, then mumble, then continue giving me directions. Steups…Was I laughing? Okay I was drinking…maybe I was…lol. Moving right along…lol. I have meh things…everything looked as pictured…I ready…gone now…wait…is that Anya Yeongchoungsuckprick? I thought she was an IPer…nah…cyah be she…leh we go allyuh….oh…we can’t go yet. We need Tribe Ignite TLC tickets…these tickets have been coming since Jesus was a little boy. Tell me why de ass I have to wait for TLC tickets…sell me de forkin tickets yuh have for de tlc price and let me go meh way nah!  I have done all kinda thing and the tickets ent reach yet. Steups. Have a next drink…that makes all things better! As I start to see the bottom of the drink the tickets reach…we get what we have to get and we gone. All’s well that ends well.

Carnival Monday, reach the band by the Savannah…hit the drinks truck on some side road…think they were waiting for me. Go meet the band…they are about to cross….oh fork…they really playing Palance? Grrrrrrrr I am already irritated with the brainwash push of this song. I do a half hearted Palance across the judging road area and eagerly await that song to turn off. I was very excited that they only played this song at judging points and not constantly on the road.  The crowd was manageable on Monday. I had no problem getting drinks. The first truck seemed to have the best music but the journey to the damn wee wee truck was a mission…especially when yuh get a next drink when yuh come out…before yuh make it to the front it’s time to go to the back again…what a pain in de ass!  I think we ended kinda early on Monday. Or it could be the carnival jumbie in me that didn’t want it to end! L Needless to say I had quite a bit of time to get a good night’s sleep in preparation for Tuesday.

Tuesday morning was the earliest I have EVER met the band. Must have been all that sleep! Everybody looked nice…okay ah lying…plenty people did not look nice atall. If I thought my belly was dragging on de ground, some ah dem belly was cleaning up behind the band…omg.  Anyway…what stunned me was the amount of FRONLTINE or INDIVIDUAL MALES. Wha de fork…I never know is so much man wanted to wear all dat mas..my gosh! I could not believe my eyes. WOW! We go have to dedicate a next session to discuss that. I am still a bit disturbed.  Anyway, luckily there was some nice eye candy working their way through the band too. Mmmm…good job fellas…de gym and I thank you. I had to actually whip out the old camera a couple times…sometimes I had to tell dey woman get in de damn picture too because some of allyuh woman does cut yuh eye like if I gonna stop playin mas to take yuh man home with me. Hello! Get a grip dahlins…I have my own I just doh walk him on a leash carnival time! I really wonder about some of allyuh sometime. SMFH

Anyway…I would now like to present the jokiest male costume award to….drumroll please…well, there’s a tie. This award will have to go to Habotai male with Rajastan male coming in a close second. Who idea was it to put these men in hot pink and black for a carnival Tueday? Who?!?!? Black is wicked enough in that hot sun…but then pink? And they change the prototype to boot? So the men went from a plain black pants, to a pink, grey and black pants? Oh gosh…meh belly! And that Doti only option for rajastan? OMG I think I have said enough. Allyuh men need to stand up for your rights! Dat is rhell shit!!!! Somebody tell me only real men does wear pink…bullshit. Dat was de dotish line she must be tell she man to convince him dat foolishness was a good idea! LMAO Oh gosh. I still laughing over them 2 male sections all now. Oui!

Anyway, all in all I had a time. If allyuh lookin fuh play by play, chip by chip wine by wine…uhm…go book a forkin ticket. I look like I memorizing thing for your benefit or wha? I have one gripe though. I vex allyuh run out of water Tuesday night. Wha is dat one? WASA providing de bottled water too or what? Fix up Tribe. I never know allyuh to run out of anything so I will take this as a slight glitch in de system. Yuh eh run out of meh 1919 so we still cool. Fix dat water thing fuh next year though please and thanks. De afterparty vibe was cool. Meh fadda ask me how much good time I could have…I tell him as much as I pay for! Thanks for de lil cooldown session. It’s a shame that the asses I spoke about in my previous post had to carry on disorderly outside the thing and spoil it though. I hope that does not discourage you from continuing this for next year.

Overall I will give Tribe a B+. Allyuh need to shrink that band! Lickerishness does run yuh belly…recognize that from now and prevent yuh bottom from burning you later! Sweet Ting say so! Bless!

Spice Was Not Nice…..

Sorry I took almost 3 weeks to do this.  But I needed to do this with a clear head and be as objective and fair as possible. I needed to remove the influence of ALCOHOL and the great time I had with my woman (d ducking plan get squashed lol) from the equation.

I saw it coming months ago when the whole PayPal debacle happen.  I eh even wasting time to explain tuh allyuh all d shit we had to deal with just to simply get d lady registered online.  I gave meh lady a deadline fuh dem clown to get her registed because she had already given them her credit card info and weeks after that they still didnt take the money and as far as I was concerned she wasnt registered.  I was kinna itching to go elsewhere but wanted to give them a chance.  But at d same time I doh believe in begging nobody tuh take yuh money.  Dey actually made d self imposed deadline so there was no turning back now.

We visit d mas-camp to register some more people since we was in d country and it was like a funeral home…….no signs of life.  D band leader and a fella outside.  And 2 employees inside.  No warm greetings…….no nuttin.  We had to register some fellas and all d have in d friggin building is 1 medium pants to look at………come nah man.  We doh ask fuh much.  Den d thing that put me over the edge is that mankind eh even getting a friggin t-shirt.  Maybe ah been spoiled past few years…….but yuh would tink ah dropping $400+ ah could get ah t-shirt.   Well its too late now d ball already rolling.

I will not rehash meh 3 visits to the Spice Mas Camp once they relocated to the Hilton……….Instead I go give suggestions.

1) Leave a focking number allyuh could be reached at since the old number was no longer working.

2) When people come to register and allyuh claim d computers down and allyuh take people info saying allyuh go call when it back up………..keep allyuh word and do it.  Months allyuh sucking salt in a empty mas camp and when people come to give allyuh dey money allyuh ill equipped to handle d simplest task.

3) Hire some motivated and professional adults and get rid of  dem utterly dotish pissing tail little girls who obviously just dey because dey is either family or looking for free costumes.  With the exception of the 2 dreadlocked ladies and d chiney young lady wearing glasses distributing costumes.………..everybody else we interacted with was worthless and dunce.

4) Hey Anya.  Try looking like a businesswoman and not a dotard.  When there is utter chaos going on in the business yuh in charge of It doh look good gliding around the mas camp floor chomping on Doritos or sipping a glass of wine.

5) Rocky oye.  Yuh was looking kinna busy at d camp eh……….but results pardna results…….d place was still operating like it was some 5 year old running it other than seasoned mas people.  Was it really a “breakoff of Tribe or did they  get rid of allyuh?

6) Dem 2 geriatrics allyuh had moving about d place was as useless as the idiotic pissing tail little girls……..just taking up space and oxygen.

7) so yuh mean to say is Carnival time and allyuh couldnt put a little sound system in d place so mankind could listen to some Soca tuh help ease all d unnecessary tension allyuh cause.

8.) Allyuh dotish.  And here is why.  That bottleneck and near riot created on Saturday could have been avoided if allyuh was giving people dey costumes during the week REGARDLESS of if they registered locally or online.  And t make matters worst allyuh had a thick sauce giving out numbers as people entered the Hilton Ballroom for people to later find out the number system was NOT being followed.  KFC on Independence Square does rum smoother than dat madness allyuh created off of pur stupidity and no common sense.

9) This was a real Mickey Mouse operation eh.  Allyuh really had no clue how to monitor the mas camp floor and delegate responsibilities as needed. Imagine allyuh had people sitting down wit dey thumbs in dey bottom to collect money when manpower was needed to register new masqueraders. And here is a clue………. The payment and registration stations respectively should not take more than 8 minutes by your employees……..but no is 1 setta la la in dey.   Taking dey focking time because ah guess dey eh have no real boss to answer for dey piss poor work habits.

10) Allyuh know d cash machine at d Hilton eventually run out of money right.  Figure out what allyuh do wrong.

Monday and Tuesday on D Road

Well Monday we made it out late because we was playing Jouvert and a certain fella wanted to take ah hour rest before hitting d road.  We  ketch up to d band as dey was nearing QRC for lunch.  So d trucks pull up on d side street near d death trap entrance for the rest stop and Truck # 2 labeled Merry Perry starts playing some shit that cannot be identified as music of our culture.  Allyuh know dat shit dat dey does be playing in Zen when d room get smokey and dem children does start behving like dey on ecstasy….yeah dat shit.  Imagine you spend your hard earned money to come enjoy yuh culture in yuh country of birth and some kakahole DJ decide he want to play foreign shit music on d last few days of yuh trip.   After cussing for a few minutes we decided to enter thru the bottleck for food.  Im going to keep it short.  The food was shit and the lines were long.  And drinks were not readily available.  I eh a picky fella but doh claim to be a premier band and yuh cah deliver basic services.  Back on d road and decided to stay clear of Truck #2 as much as possible because there was a good chance fire and brimstone would start raining.  The rest of Monday had nothing special to offer.  My drink of choice Angostura 1919 ran out although it was advertised and that put me in a bad place emotionally.  Me and d lady stayed with the last 2 trucks since they offered the best options.  And the day ended as it started.   For some reason we ended up by that focking Merry Perry truck and as we hit near Globe Cinema dem kakaholes started playing dat shit foreign music again.  I was really contemplating an act of violence but decided it was just best to head home and look forward to the adventures of Tuesday.

So Tuesday morning reach and no we not reaching no band dat hour in d morning in dat part of town.  We end up catching up to dem around 9 up by d hospital.  Ant it was actually a nice little stop in dat area dat reminded me of the Poison days just stuck in d hot sun for a few hours waiting tuh cross d Savannah Stage.  Seeem like we was getting a more wider variety of music and the DJ did mention that the drinks truck would be leaving since it was almost stage crossing time.  Have tuh give dem a bligh for clear communication.  So we cross d stage to the much deserved Soca Monarch and Roadmarch winning tune……….PALANCE………..and rounded the Savannah towards QRC Grounds for lunch.  Same shit with the bottleneck to get into the grounds.  Its not that we didnt appreciate the security efforts eh know……but using that small gated entrance was not very practical and dangerous.  The food sucked again excpt for the Arabic food.  Yes there was food that was not fit for a pothound to eat.  And once again like clockwork……. NO MORE 1919.  After leaving QRC we headed towards Roxy and then up Arapita Avenue.  The pace, music and energy level of the band was pretty good.  The most energy I have picked up in a band in the past 3-4 years was crossing the Synergy stage on Arapita Avenue and the stage at South Quay.  Now this is where they ended on a very shitty note.  Everybody knows that downtown Port of Spain is the most vulnerable area for Carnival…….especially when it dark.  And with that…..these jackasses abandoned their masqueraders as we reached the Promenade by Frederick Street.  When you see the few open Gays who were prancing around the safe confines of the security ropes Monday and Tuesday make a mad dash for the “Rest Maxi” which then sped off……..yuh know is time tuh secure yuh crew and head home.

Conclusion

Ah really wasnt planning to type this much but I think its important for people to get what they pay for……..I can safely say that Spice did their masqueraders a disservice on EVERY possible level from start to finish.  Allyuh sucked from registration to Tuesday.  Premier mas band my ass.  I wouldnt give allyuh a mango stand on d side of d road to run because allyuh would fock dat up easy and without apology.  The conclusion that I come to is that this mas thing is a game and not a business to allyuh.  Ah have to laugh at d follies I see allyuh pulling because allyuh relly doh care bout nobody but allyuh little circle of friends and family.  Recogition should be given to the handful of competent workers mentioned earlier from the mascamp, bar staff, rope and security personnel.  And the biggest bligh to the Masqueraders of Spice who didnt behave like savages and respected each other on the road and in the mas camp……..although you were put into negative situations by Spice Management to easily lose your cool on any given day.  Spice grade fuh C2K10 is a D fuh dummies.

EDIT: and yeah dat blue headpiece on dem woman did look like dey plucked d feathers off a dead cobo and den dye d feathers blue.  horrible.