Cyah believe it’s Tribe Tribe Tribe Tribe…

15 03 2010

So yes allyuh I have returned to Tribe after a brief 2 year hiatus.  Making children does put a lil pause on things like mas and galavanting and drinkin…well…for some of us. Anyway, I was a little hesitant for a couple reasons. For one I have reluctantly tortured myself by viewing pictures and videos of Tribe during my missed years and the band seemed to have gotten monstrously large. Ah mean looking like a massive Poison mess! Where had my “no more than 3000 masqueraders” band gone? Surely that could not be them crossing that judging point camera for hours! Maybe the camera was just adding on weight to the band I convinced myself…surely that is not the Tribe I know! With that thought pushed to the back of my mind I proceeded preparing for registration.

Unlike allyuh men, I need a little more than an appropriate color board shorts and a wrist band. So, along with the rest of the fanatics I was poised for registration in July…my finger was on the mouse trigger ready to secure my costume that I had already chosen. Sad to say folks, as I logged on in those first moments of registration and it was reminiscent of 2004 when sections were sold out within SECONDS of the start of registration. So here we are with this so called TLC registration and my section of choice is sold out. I shook my head as I already knew of several people who had never even played with Tribe before, yet they were already registered and well comfortable in meh band. Big fat forkin steups. I have no problem with pre registration, and friends and family registration, and de registration of registration, but when yuh fillin up de band with a set of nevaseecomesees ahead of yuh loyal masqueraders I feel dat is shit! Anywho, as I believe in stickin to the evil that I know vs the unknown I went ahead and registered in one of my alternate sections. That and all was a next bachannal as the online payment system was not working. But if you know me you will know that something like a system glitch will not keep me away from my mas. I will not even get deep into all of that. There are places and people that getting deep into the nitty grity of every crevice of their experience. I sure allyuh bloggers familiar with them so I will spare you. I have meh mas secure…leh we fast forward what seemed like a million months as I waited….and waited….and waited…and waited…for carnival time to come.

So…the time reach, I reach Trinidad, and I organize to go retrieve meh mas. Up that forkin hill again to Cascadia we go, cash in hand. I went on a day that was not assigned to me so I expected a little wait. After we park and approach, we start to hear some soca…GREAT! There was a tent to get a number, a next tent where people were sitting and waiting to be called…a next tent where they were selling boots, little purses to match yuh mas, and handheld breathalyzers to help yuh predict how de breathalyzer traps would handle you. Good stuff! Stepped inside to the bar with my family and had a couple drinks…that was great. Ok…ummm…I still waiting. No scene…everything moving smoothly. Go inside, pay off balance, go to the next spot, pick up meh mas…check out the contents…NICE! Next step go get meh wrist band. The man asks me if this is my first year playing with Tribe. PAUSE! “uhmmmmm, thought we never got past TLC registration?” He smirk, then laugh, then mumble, then continue giving me directions. Steups…Was I laughing? Okay I was drinking…maybe I was…lol. Moving right along…lol. I have meh things…everything looked as pictured…I ready…gone now…wait…is that Anya Yeongchoungsuckprick? I thought she was an IPer…nah…cyah be she…leh we go allyuh….oh…we can’t go yet. We need Tribe Ignite TLC tickets…these tickets have been coming since Jesus was a little boy. Tell me why de ass I have to wait for TLC tickets…sell me de forkin tickets yuh have for de tlc price and let me go meh way nah!  I have done all kinda thing and the tickets ent reach yet. Steups. Have a next drink…that makes all things better! As I start to see the bottom of the drink the tickets reach…we get what we have to get and we gone. All’s well that ends well.

Carnival Monday, reach the band by the Savannah…hit the drinks truck on some side road…think they were waiting for me. Go meet the band…they are about to cross….oh fork…they really playing Palance? Grrrrrrrr I am already irritated with the brainwash push of this song. I do a half hearted Palance across the judging road area and eagerly await that song to turn off. I was very excited that they only played this song at judging points and not constantly on the road.  The crowd was manageable on Monday. I had no problem getting drinks. The first truck seemed to have the best music but the journey to the damn wee wee truck was a mission…especially when yuh get a next drink when yuh come out…before yuh make it to the front it’s time to go to the back again…what a pain in de ass!  I think we ended kinda early on Monday. Or it could be the carnival jumbie in me that didn’t want it to end! L Needless to say I had quite a bit of time to get a good night’s sleep in preparation for Tuesday.

Tuesday morning was the earliest I have EVER met the band. Must have been all that sleep! Everybody looked nice…okay ah lying…plenty people did not look nice atall. If I thought my belly was dragging on de ground, some ah dem belly was cleaning up behind the band…omg.  Anyway…what stunned me was the amount of FRONLTINE or INDIVIDUAL MALES. Wha de fork…I never know is so much man wanted to wear all dat mas..my gosh! I could not believe my eyes. WOW! We go have to dedicate a next session to discuss that. I am still a bit disturbed.  Anyway, luckily there was some nice eye candy working their way through the band too. Mmmm…good job fellas…de gym and I thank you. I had to actually whip out the old camera a couple times…sometimes I had to tell dey woman get in de damn picture too because some of allyuh woman does cut yuh eye like if I gonna stop playin mas to take yuh man home with me. Hello! Get a grip dahlins…I have my own I just doh walk him on a leash carnival time! I really wonder about some of allyuh sometime. SMFH

Anyway…I would now like to present the jokiest male costume award to….drumroll please…well, there’s a tie. This award will have to go to Habotai male with Rajastan male coming in a close second. Who idea was it to put these men in hot pink and black for a carnival Tueday? Who?!?!? Black is wicked enough in that hot sun…but then pink? And they change the prototype to boot? So the men went from a plain black pants, to a pink, grey and black pants? Oh gosh…meh belly! And that Doti only option for rajastan? OMG I think I have said enough. Allyuh men need to stand up for your rights! Dat is rhell shit!!!! Somebody tell me only real men does wear pink…bullshit. Dat was de dotish line she must be tell she man to convince him dat foolishness was a good idea! LMAO Oh gosh. I still laughing over them 2 male sections all now. Oui!

Anyway, all in all I had a time. If allyuh lookin fuh play by play, chip by chip wine by wine…uhm…go book a forkin ticket. I look like I memorizing thing for your benefit or wha? I have one gripe though. I vex allyuh run out of water Tuesday night. Wha is dat one? WASA providing de bottled water too or what? Fix up Tribe. I never know allyuh to run out of anything so I will take this as a slight glitch in de system. Yuh eh run out of meh 1919 so we still cool. Fix dat water thing fuh next year though please and thanks. De afterparty vibe was cool. Meh fadda ask me how much good time I could have…I tell him as much as I pay for! Thanks for de lil cooldown session. It’s a shame that the asses I spoke about in my previous post had to carry on disorderly outside the thing and spoil it though. I hope that does not discourage you from continuing this for next year.

Overall I will give Tribe a B+. Allyuh need to shrink that band! Lickerishness does run yuh belly…recognize that from now and prevent yuh bottom from burning you later! Sweet Ting say so! Bless!





We come out to wine…dey come out to stab

23 02 2010

Alright…so…carnival is over and the tabanka is setting in and of course there is plenty to discuss. Of course we must speak on the music and the fetes and the road. But I am not starting there. People want to talk about costume and who eh get in dey section and who pull dey feathers and whole set ah caca. For my beginning I want to discuss the end and address some of allyuh fellas that seem to have NO FORKIN BEHAVIOR!!!!!!

Now…I was on the road Monday and Tuesday and witnessed, as usual, an abundance of beautiful women on de road barely dressed. Lawd they could give people a complex! Anywho, as usual the man to woman ratio is ridiculous! Plenty men have gotten a clue and have started to play mas to take part on de endless buffet of bam bam rolling. However, it seems like some ass clowns still cyah take a forkin hint and instead of drinkin and jamming a woman they looking to come out and cause problems fuh people! Tell me why it’s Tuesday night, I wining low, jamming on my man in de road afterparty…head feeling nice…DJ’s only saying we goin till morning…we goin till morning…next ting braps…uhm…de authorities have requested that we shut down. Huh? Shut down? Why?!?!? Well let me tell you why. Some forkin clowns decide that instead of jamming on woman they would be more excited stabbing man! Seriously? Allyuh just idle so? Who de fack does that? Excuse meh French Spanish and Portugese eh but them idiots need a good knife stab in dey bottom hole because who de fork does decide to come out and start to stab up people just so? Yuh not robbing. Yuh not fighting fuh yuh woman. Yuh just feel to come stab people? St. Ann’s was fully booked carnival time or wha? Imagine you wining wit no behavior and next thing you look down and blood pouring out just so carnival Tuesday night. Dat is NOT de ending anybody is looking for! We come out to have fun and man come out to stab. Bun out dem assholes yes. Literally need to throw some oil and light dey ass on forkin fire! I am so vex as I write this. I tried to wait a lil bit before I addressed this but just thinking of it I am vex all over again! Dat is rhell shit! Three people were said to be stabbed in the area. I know of one for sure. One and all is too many!!!!!!!!! My request to allyuh idle men dat feel yuh to “manly” to play mas…stay yuh manly ass at home on Carnival Monday and Tueday.

Doh come cocking up yuh dutty pelvis lookin fuh wine when my band pass. Doh stretch yuh nasty manly hand pass de ropes trying to grasp my costumed bottom. And doh come looking to fight with the men who have sense enough to pay they money and have a nice time. Stay home and wine up and caress yuh knife and gun. Give them a hard wine and a jook and when de night falls…have yuh way with dem.

This is Sweet Ting and I am signing off…I will be back with my reviews of de music fetes and de road fuh 2010. Bless up!





Fete After Fete After Fete……..Mashing Up Fete Is We Name

20 11 2007

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[odeo=http://studio.odeo.com/audio/17347733/view]

First and foremost allyuh need to understand something before I get started.  I is a fella who feel I could talk bout anybody for 2 reasons.  Firstly is that I come from a very diverse background and consider everybody to be my people.   Secondly is because I doh give a shit if people talking bout me once is trute.  So wit dat outta d way who ever get vex could go suck salt and hopefully feel better after dat.  My intent is to give you the readers a very vivid and objective preview of what to expect at the fetes 2 weeks prior to Carnival 2K8 in T&T.  On annodder note, if yuh is a 1st time visitor to T&T, do yuhself a big favor, doh be a chupidee, organize transportation.  T&T is not a tourist oriented society, and transportation rell scare, so either rent yuh own car or hire a reputable taxi service.  Doh feel yuh could catch a cab or mop-a-drop (hitch-hike) from a good Samaritan, yuh go be asking for rell trouble in both instances.  Since the Kriminals are only in T&T for 2 weeks, we will give a review/preview of the fetes during that time period.

 

 

Saturday January 26th, 2008

* Mr. Machel Montano Alternative Concept 6

The man is a boss.  He does mash up any fete and is no doubt the best Soca entertainer in the World, just not at his own show.  I found his performance last year to be mediocre and him to be unprofessional.  Hoe d ass yuh go have a concert and not perform for most of the concert.  Then beg d police for more time because yuh realize yuh short change people.   VIP should stand for Vex I Payed, drinks were watered down and expensive.  By the time you bought 2 drinks yuh had no more chits left for drinks.   But there was ample food and groupies.

 

Sunday January 27th, 2008
* CAREC All-Inclusive

Never went this affair but keep hearing it’s worth the money. 
* Nestle All-Inclusive

Never went this affair but wouldn’t mind getting some free Milo drinks and Condense milk.

Monday January 28th, 2008
* PNM Fete – Balisier House

Meh good lady fren swear by this fete, but all I does picture is a bunch ah ole George Chambers and Eric Williams supporters wining on each other with a Ballisier in dey hand.

 

*Mardi Gras

Nothing special here…you might get a couple of beads reminiscent of New Orleans Mardi Gras Tradition. Usual performers making their round robin of appearances…..i.e. Machel.

 

Tuesday January 29th, 2008

*A.W.O.L

This fete was somewhey up in d bamboo patch heading up Macquaripe.  Yuh parked yuh car on d outside of d compound by security and maxis shuttled yuh in on d bumpiest road in Trinidad.  Ah tink they call d place Tucker Valley or something so.  I is a greedy fella.  Ah had to say dat because it had rell food and rell drinks.  I eh never drink so much Johnny Walker Green in meh life.  Plus ah eat like 4 servings ah saltfish and provisions, that’s right ah said 4 servings.  Is like they put “stay home” in that saltfish for meh because ah never leave in front dat food stand after d first serving.  D vibes was rell nice too.  Good music, quality people and reasonable price.  Ah tink we payed somewhey between $250-$300 TT.  And for the record I did consume somewhey between $250-$300 TT in food and drinks.  Ah was mad we leave a little early because we had to go EWS, and as we leaving D Riddim Section was just rolling in.

* Eyes Wide Shut CARNIVALE

This is always a decent fete and yuh could start feeling the electricity of Carnival approaching from this fete.  D police wasn’t making no joke outside this 1 and had people lining up like in school for assembly every morning.  All who eh listen get send home early.  Ah was a little bun from A.W.O.L fete but I is a wicked fella.  Once my foot touch Trini soil I does go into overdrive.  Funny thing is ah could only remember 2 performances.  Machel and he Caravan and KMC.  Reason why ah remember Jumbie is because he actually performed like somebody was paying him money unlike dat Saturday nite at AC like he was wukking for free.  I is a KMC fan, but dat bawling ting need to be revamped.

* Island Style Glow

Never have been, but when was D last time yuh went a good Glow?  Nuff said.
* Bishops Junior School All-Inclusive Fete

      I eh go a school Bazaar or Frolic in a while, and it go be a bit longer.

 

 

 

 

Wednesday January 30th, 2008
* Bacchanal Wednesday

Well Bachannal Wednesday was bachannal because Destra got plunked in D head and started cussing.  Now I have no problem with Destra, I love D woman as a performer.  Ah actually rank she 2nd to Jumbie as far as my favorite performers.  But after she got plunked by some drunk white boy, she went into this whole long dissertation of how it hard to be a woman in D business and performing on D stage.  Dat sour meh.  She shoulda get off D stage and show dat fella wat part ah Laventille she from.  Bachannal Wednesday is good because D performers for some strange reason does give yuh they best performance.   Maybe it because the majority of patrons at this fete are the “fairer” class of T&T. 
* Customs Boys Fete

Last 3 years I have been offered free tickets to go this fete and last 3 years I have said NO.  Custom Fete….AKA..Ole Nigga Fete….as some people so eloquently described.  Definitely one of the less expensive fetes during Carnival week are conveniently located near Hasley Crawford Stadium.  The facility is definitely one of the “less intimate” outdoor venues. Making your way to the front of the stage is reminiscent of an old Atari 2600 game called pitfall.  You must hop over mud pits, ravines, canals, and through all sorts of bush to make it to a stage where you will proceed to jump up and whine in dirt and garbage.  By the time the fete done, people will think yuh juss played jouvert.  If you dare to get in with the locals, refrain from the sexy clothes…cause you will be throwing it away afterwards.

 

**Part II Coming Soon**





In Search of A$$

13 11 2007

[odeo=http://odeo.com/audio/17317483/view]

In Search of ASS

So being the typical man with a one track mind, my level of interest in mas costumes and their presentation is questionable.  I often miss the point and I make no excuses for it.  Why is that? Probably because I don’t care.  Hell, I’m part Bamsee Hauler, so what do you expect.  I know, you might get the impression I’m not embracing my culture but that’s not true.  A carnival is a small microcosim in every island’s overall culture, so missing the point on a microcosim is irrelevant on a whole.

So what exactly is my purpose for perusing dozens of galleries of band launchings and the band sites???? To figure out which band is putting the most ass on the road!!  Hell, I’m spending $400 to join a band for the trifecta of Drinks, Soca and Women.  So, its In my best interest I do my research on the women.  I already know what I’m drinking and with regards to the soca, I’ll probably hear Machel Montano’s “Whining Season” 1,378 times over the course of 2 days on the road. 

So I peruse all the sites and galleries, carefully looking and analyzing these women and the costumes.   Which band showing the most flesh? who offering the most thongs? Where the wire bras? So, while doing this research, I look at these models and ask myself….where’s the ass?.  Where are the real women!!  Can I get some curves.  Can these mas people represent the women that will really dominate the female population of your respective bands?

I mean really, what the hell is this!!!???  Who hired this model and why? is this even a woman??

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This costume gives you the impression that flesh will be exposed but dammit, she’s not doing this design justice.  Hell, this one embarrasses the slim women.  Anyway, Im going to get off my soap box for a minute and pay homage to my top 5 TNT band launch and gallery models for the upcoming 2k8 carnival season.

#5, this Evolution Model on the left. Yes..she is slim, but slim women can have ass too.  Granted,  there are some characteristics to this picture that gets this model at #5 and I realize that she can be as misleading as a padded bra.  For starters, they say pictures add 10 lbs to your frame so in truth, she might really be a toothpick with small balloons attached to her backside. She standing at a good angle that make her look thicker.  She also makes the effort to stick out her ass adds to the effect.  The gold tint on her body helps this apparent thickness as well.  Despite all that, she still makes my honor roll based on effort.

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This fine specimen from Dream Team gets #4.  Doesn’t have the bubble like #5, but she’s thicker, nice lookin skin, body tight, waist, hips and no misleading poses or lighting tricks.  This one have a nice bamcee despite the lack of that “bubble”. She will have alot of fans on the road.

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#3 hails from Tribe. There is no denying the bubble ass we have here since she is standing upright.  Its shaped like a big watermelon and it extends through the hips and thighs. Every thing this woman put on her ass will look like a thong because of its shape.  She will catch a lot of fellas off guard b/c of her pretty face. They will approach her from the front and then get floored when they get behind her for a whine.  She is going to have problems peeling fellas off her backside.

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#2 comes from DreamTeam as well.  Found this specimen in the costume gallery. Now this my friends is a real woman. Tall, leggy, hips and Azz for DAYS. It looks like it has a giggle to it that will make any man stare and drool uncontrollably.  Other women will marvel at this ass and secretly take photos of her backside.  She will be envied by most women and lusted after by all men (and those same women  taking the pictures but that’s another story in itself).  When fellas pose to take a picture of her, they will insist she turn around.  They will drop to their knees, then proceed to put their faces next to her ass with their tongue sticking out. This will be a common photo position for this woman.

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And #1 is a natural wonder that comes to you from Genesis. She’s so thick you can see it from the front.  She will need bodyguards on the road. Men will stalk her, waiting for an opportunity to tief a wine.  People will reach out just to touch it.  They want to see if its real. There will be fights on the road over this woman. She will be a YouTube star b/c everyone will switch their cameras from safe mode to video mode and proceed to post her all over the internet on Ash Wednesday.  You can rest your drink on her backside.  People might mistake her backside for one of the music trucks and there will be a crowd running behind her during the las lap.  Some poor soul will confess his undying love and propose to this woman on the road.  This woman’s ass wont quit! There isn’t enough adjectives to describe how beautiful this thing is. So whats the first place prize for this woman???  Acknowledgement on a Blog she’ll never ever see.

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My fellow bamsee haulers get ready!! because we know that nothing beats a thick woman on the road. Don’t get me wrong, we love all woman and the slender women shouldn’t feel any lack of love.  Hell, they gets all the love…just look in the same galleries I did.  

Now that I’ve finished surfing the galleries and launch photos,  I can go back to doing some productive internet research and download some high quality porn from phatbootybrazilmovies.com.

Midnight Robber!!





Picking A Band and Section to Play Mas

31 10 2007

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[odeo=http://odeo.com/audio/17232863/view]

If you are like me and monitor the Carnival message boards you see all these females in a frenzy trying to decide who they going to jump with.   There are 3 types of female masqueraders and 2 types of male masqueraders.   On the female side there are the Carnival Whore, Flip-flop Wajang and Confused Virgin.   As far as the fellas are concerned, there are 2 categories.   Bamsee Hauler and Rum Chaser.  

D Carnival Whore started off playing Kiddies Carnival and hasn’t stopped yet.    She mudder, grandmudder and greatgrand-mudder passed the standard to her.   She is faithful to one band and will planasse yuh if yuh dare badtalk she band.  She have playing mas down to a science and you can learn a lot from this woman.  There is also a very high probability that this masquerader will fall into the “2 band hoe” category discussed earlier. Nothing will stop this particular woman from making mas year after year. 9 months pregnant? no scene, House burn down and all belongings lost? no problem.. Husband threaten to leave if she go one more carnival???  Fukk him… A real Carnival Whore is relentless and tenacious.  I would rather hand feed a rabid pit bull than get in the way of this womans mas.

  

The Flip-flop Wajang usually bounces between 3 bands from band launch till jump up day, she has no strong affiliations and will horn yuh d same way in real life.   She going where the costumes are on “fyah”.  She will also bounce from section to section until time escapes her.  This woman is pretty easy to spot.  She will buy a costume with the first band that launch because that’s where all her friends are going.  Next band launch, she immediately falls in love with the overall presentation and das where she wants to be.  At which time, she will reserve a costume and declare herself 2band hoe.  No scene, I will play wit band A on Monday and Band B on Tuesday. 8 more band launches later, a friend offer a free costume in their band.  Now, the real confusion begins.   Friends?  Fantabulous Presentation?   Finance……what to do…. what to do?

  

The Confused Virgin never play mas yet.   She looking for advice on which band to play wit, what she should wear Carnival Monday, boots or sneakers, type of make-up, thongs or panty…..the list is endless..   D Virgin can be easily chained up to play wit any band because she eh kno better.   After she first experience playing a mas, d virgin will swear there is no better than that band.    She will probably get hooked and eventually become a whore to that band.  Classic case where she will then be used, abused and refused by that band year after year.

In the male category of Bamsee Hauler, it is self explanatory.   This fella is only concerned with playing in a band where there is an abundance of big bamsee which will overwhelm him to the point of ecstasy.   He is a bamsee assault specialist and Carnival Monday and Tuesday in d right band is like his first Christmas day all over again.  He has no affiliations or loyalty unless a particular band has a reputation of providing big bamsees. They will spend countless hours on the computer, perusing galleries evaluating the quality of bamcee in ah particular band. This can be misleading b/c experience has proven that Band photographers tend to miss 95% of the band and primarily take pictures of the hot women. Not that anyone complains but ah fella will join the rumchaser to distort their vision at which time, 95% of the women will appeal to their desires..  

The Rum Chaser like to wine on woman, but his priority is focused on the ever elusive task of busing d bar by he self.    He is a professional drinker and takes his job seriously.   Drinking is a science to him also and have a few golden rules that he always follows when picking a band.   Actually is juss 1 rule, check d website to see who d alcohol sponsors are.  It must be noted that this fella will not be found laying on d ground like a common rummy, he will start and finish d race at d same pace each and every year.

Bartenders should be weary of this fella. He is looking to steal full bottles of Johnny Walker from off deh truck.  One way to notice if this fella is successful in his petty larceny, he will mek requests that are non alcoholic in nature.  Cups of ice, coconut water, red bull…etc.  Follow this man because he has a bottle someplace and it beats fighting wit the other masqueraders fuh your refill.