D Art of Tiefing Ah Wine

 

 [odeo=http://studio.odeo.com/audio/17637913/view]

For centuries men have been getting mixed signals from women which causes great discomfort when yuh see ah bumsee yuh wah jam.  Meh fren does call dat part of it “gender politricks”.   But fellas have no fear cuz Carnival is here.  Come Carnival time yuh odds are increased 1000 fold and yuh could probably have a 95% success rate………but we must stress dat if ah woman give yuh a wine, it does not mean dat she wah hold on to yuh fuh d duration of d day or nite (unless she verbally expresss dis to yuh)…………..it only means dat she in a good mood and giving yuh a lil play so yuh could be on yuh way.  Our goal here is to give allyuh some proven tactics and strategies in order to succeed in dat bumsee jungle come Carnival time. 

1) Bumsee on bumsee attack is wey ah nice groovey tune playing yuh strategically position yuhself back to back wit yuh target.  Yuh will den give she a lil waist to see how she reacts………u may den peep over yuh shoulder.  If she gives yuh a scowl of disgust we suggest yuh put yuh shame face on and disappear.  If she give yuh a lil smile or cock back dat buttom on yuh….den its on like boil corn.

2) D By D Bar Attack is wey yuh b d bar waiting fuh ah drink…….dis could be on d road or at ah fete……..women are often very charitable wit d bumsee at those locations………on d road yuh could be a gentleman and give dem a squeeze in so dey could get dey drink or even get dey drink fuh dem…..do dat and yuh in like Flynn (I eh kno who Flynn is so doh ask).

3) D Meh Fren from Puerto Rico Attack is wey yuh tell a gal yuh partner is a foreigner and is he first time in Trinidad ad if she could go put a good Trini wine on him……….dis works everytime but yuh have to make sure yuh pardna talk in some broke English, Patois or Pig Latin.

4) D Big Tune Attack is wey yuh hear ah big tune come on…….dat mean is time to position yuhself fuh ah guaranteed wine.  It have certain tunes dat does make dem woman go insane.  Dey would wine on a gremlin when 1 ah dem tune start playing.  Since we looking out fuh allyuh fellas we go give allyuh a HOT tip on 1 particular artist who go help allyuh cause.   Any ah dem Patrice Robberts “wukking up” tunes WILL get allyuh a wine.

5) Stick and Move Attack…yuh make yuh way through a crowded fete in an attempt to get to the front. There is no better way than that to tief multiple wines from plenty women as you creep forward. But the objective is not to give them long wines fuh the rest of the evening unless of course you found a prize.  But give 10 short sweet wines to random women, usually for 1 tune only.  They will come lookin fuh more later.  They might have you surrounded at the front of the stage when you finally reach.

 6) The Bumb Rush. This is a high risk maneuver usually done for fun b/c it involves mampees.  Its like Cow tipping…white farm boys do it for no reason.  Like a pride of lions attacking an elephant, you and 4 of yuh bravest breddrins, stalk a free roaming Mampee on the road.   The best lookin fella in the group is the decoy and he must approach her from dey front so she get distracted.  As soon as she stop, the others pounce, one jump high on she back and hold on (use your harness and rope).  2 on each thigh, the biggest fella go low on she bamcee and the pretty boy jump on the front.  This can only last for 30 seconds before she start pelting waist and throw your carcasses all ova de road.  But the thrill of the near death experience will get yuh heart racing like a rollercoaster ride.  One important point,yuh don’t want to be the last man left cause she might grab onto yuh and not let you go. That’s what make it high risk but hopefully all 5 will get away and live fuh anodda bumb rush.

Well Fellas and Ladies….Happy Bamsee Hauling (I eh sure wat women call it)….This is Wining Season and Arrive Alive………By next week the Kriminals should be on T&T soil so this is our see yuh later post………..We gonna drop a POWERFUL tune fuh allyuh to listen to in a few days………if dat tune doh raise allyuh pores and allyuh doh feel d Spirit of Carnival….den allyuh should refund dat plane ticket and sell dat costume………….Its going to be a GREAT Carnival season, trust me.

Canboulay & Robber