D Art of Tiefing Ah Wine

17 01 2008

wine-thief.jpg 

 [odeo=http://studio.odeo.com/audio/17637913/view]

For centuries men have been getting mixed signals from women which causes great discomfort when yuh see ah bumsee yuh wah jam.  Meh fren does call dat part of it “gender politricks”.   But fellas have no fear cuz Carnival is here.  Come Carnival time yuh odds are increased 1000 fold and yuh could probably have a 95% success rate………but we must stress dat if ah woman give yuh a wine, it does not mean dat she wah hold on to yuh fuh d duration of d day or nite (unless she verbally expresss dis to yuh)…………..it only means dat she in a good mood and giving yuh a lil play so yuh could be on yuh way.  Our goal here is to give allyuh some proven tactics and strategies in order to succeed in dat bumsee jungle come Carnival time. 

1) Bumsee on bumsee attack is wey ah nice groovey tune playing yuh strategically position yuhself back to back wit yuh target.  Yuh will den give she a lil waist to see how she reacts………u may den peep over yuh shoulder.  If she gives yuh a scowl of disgust we suggest yuh put yuh shame face on and disappear.  If she give yuh a lil smile or cock back dat buttom on yuh….den its on like boil corn.

2) D By D Bar Attack is wey yuh b d bar waiting fuh ah drink…….dis could be on d road or at ah fete……..women are often very charitable wit d bumsee at those locations………on d road yuh could be a gentleman and give dem a squeeze in so dey could get dey drink or even get dey drink fuh dem…..do dat and yuh in like Flynn (I eh kno who Flynn is so doh ask).

3) D Meh Fren from Puerto Rico Attack is wey yuh tell a gal yuh partner is a foreigner and is he first time in Trinidad ad if she could go put a good Trini wine on him……….dis works everytime but yuh have to make sure yuh pardna talk in some broke English, Patois or Pig Latin.

4) D Big Tune Attack is wey yuh hear ah big tune come on…….dat mean is time to position yuhself fuh ah guaranteed wine.  It have certain tunes dat does make dem woman go insane.  Dey would wine on a gremlin when 1 ah dem tune start playing.  Since we looking out fuh allyuh fellas we go give allyuh a HOT tip on 1 particular artist who go help allyuh cause.   Any ah dem Patrice Robberts “wukking up” tunes WILL get allyuh a wine.

5) Stick and Move Attack…yuh make yuh way through a crowded fete in an attempt to get to the front. There is no better way than that to tief multiple wines from plenty women as you creep forward. But the objective is not to give them long wines fuh the rest of the evening unless of course you found a prize.  But give 10 short sweet wines to random women, usually for 1 tune only.  They will come lookin fuh more later.  They might have you surrounded at the front of the stage when you finally reach.

 6) The Bumb Rush. This is a high risk maneuver usually done for fun b/c it involves mampees.  Its like Cow tipping…white farm boys do it for no reason.  Like a pride of lions attacking an elephant, you and 4 of yuh bravest breddrins, stalk a free roaming Mampee on the road.   The best lookin fella in the group is the decoy and he must approach her from dey front so she get distracted.  As soon as she stop, the others pounce, one jump high on she back and hold on (use your harness and rope).  2 on each thigh, the biggest fella go low on she bamcee and the pretty boy jump on the front.  This can only last for 30 seconds before she start pelting waist and throw your carcasses all ova de road.  But the thrill of the near death experience will get yuh heart racing like a rollercoaster ride.  One important point,yuh don’t want to be the last man left cause she might grab onto yuh and not let you go. That’s what make it high risk but hopefully all 5 will get away and live fuh anodda bumb rush.

Well Fellas and Ladies….Happy Bamsee Hauling (I eh sure wat women call it)….This is Wining Season and Arrive Alive………By next week the Kriminals should be on T&T soil so this is our see yuh later post………..We gonna drop a POWERFUL tune fuh allyuh to listen to in a few days………if dat tune doh raise allyuh pores and allyuh doh feel d Spirit of Carnival….den allyuh should refund dat plane ticket and sell dat costume………….Its going to be a GREAT Carnival season, trust me.

Canboulay & Robber

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20 responses

18 01 2008
princessredz

Oh gosh how alyuh bad so!!!! D bumb rush nearly make me fall off my chair laughing… alyuh is too much yes.

I guess I’ll look out for alyuh by d bar or when d big tune start 😉

18 01 2008
Kuntreegal

boi allyuh have me dieing oveh here!! Im sure dem fellas go print dis out n studyin it like a common entrance exam!!! 🙂

18 01 2008
Mas In Yuh Ass

I was dyin’ in de people and dem wuk today with this. Every single comment was on point…most specifically, de man dat ketch a wine from me for ‘Mo Wuk’ in for relllll pressuh.

KRIMINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Meh ticket bought, meh costume pay for, fetes linked up, an’ Ah done tell de Boss man ’bout meh sister’s “wedding” long time…De streets callin’ meh and I most certainly comin’.

Safe passage, everyone.

19 01 2008
Asha

Whey!!! D Bumb Rush one have meh DEADIN!!! I LOVE dis blog!!!

20 01 2008
dajewel

sad to say, but all points talked discussed are proven and true!!!! lol!!

20 01 2008
Brown Girl

so true…sigh…so true

21 01 2008
'rah

I love allyuh too bad! HI-freakin-LARIOUS! I hadda buy a drink fuh allyuh at the next all-inclusive I bounce yuh up at 😉
…and maybe I’ll throw in a wine.

21 01 2008
Ang

Oh gosh allyuh killing meh with this oui! Like allyuh real study the art and science of tiefing ah wine. Yuh real lucky I’m not coming down this rounds, I would test allyuh out! LOL

22 01 2008
shells

love it…cyah wait to see allyuh in action

26 01 2008
Markie Marc

ey…dis harddddd like big stone!!! whezzzzz…*mad laugh* I printing dis and posting it up on Hall (dorm) floor. Blessings fellahs!

26 01 2008
Raymond

Hey i like da post but what about guys who like to wine on guys, ya’ll didnt give me any tips for stalkin out those hot trinidadain dudes, come on man show the gay guy some love, rastafari

29 01 2008
RandyFreezingInCanada

Franklin, my Trini friend, told me to check out this site. As I do so, I look out the window at our -43C winter (unusual, but obviously not impossible) in Calgary, Canada. <> I can only dream of getting down to T&T at Carnival time.

In my heart: TRINI TO DE BONE!

29 01 2008
Duane3ne2nr

me and paul hadda try the bomb rush

29 01 2008
smurf

Hadda try this

but i on eye level with them bamseees

20 01 2009
biric

I sit down in work an I swear I nearly dead trying to hold in that laugh!!! Bess article I got in an email allyuh sweet too bad.

21 01 2009
sheistrini

lmao….this is so truth, and i love it…i going and look out for them men who tryin that on me this year….is rel salt….lol

Ah love it…keep more comin!!

30 01 2009
izahotoo

I wish I could be in TNT radder dan dis fridge aka Toronto. Oh de vision of man flyin in all direckshun off a mampee…is jus too much!! BMAL!

13 02 2009
Fran Henry

Why i decided to read dis in de poeple wuk…ah doh know !!!
I cyah afford to lose meh wuk now wid de economy de way it is. Allyuh need to STOP – ah lie -Keep on !!
Dis was hilarious….especially when yuh know yuh experience it yuh dam self.
Thoroughly enjoyed it and BIG up to the KREW !!!!
fhbrooklyn.

19 02 2009
trinidiva

Too funny! I could see fellas trying out what you recommended. Too bad I will not be there this year, could teach you a thing or two about tiefing a wine. And, this may come as surprise, but women does tief wine too!

19 04 2012
@xplicit_lewis

I do all of this in the club already besides the bomb rudh lol

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