Spice Was Not Nice…..

8 03 2010

Sorry I took almost 3 weeks to do this.  But I needed to do this with a clear head and be as objective and fair as possible. I needed to remove the influence of ALCOHOL and the great time I had with my woman (d ducking plan get squashed lol) from the equation.

I saw it coming months ago when the whole PayPal debacle happen.  I eh even wasting time to explain tuh allyuh all d shit we had to deal with just to simply get d lady registered online.  I gave meh lady a deadline fuh dem clown to get her registed because she had already given them her credit card info and weeks after that they still didnt take the money and as far as I was concerned she wasnt registered.  I was kinna itching to go elsewhere but wanted to give them a chance.  But at d same time I doh believe in begging nobody tuh take yuh money.  Dey actually made d self imposed deadline so there was no turning back now.

We visit d mas-camp to register some more people since we was in d country and it was like a funeral home…….no signs of life.  D band leader and a fella outside.  And 2 employees inside.  No warm greetings…….no nuttin.  We had to register some fellas and all d have in d friggin building is 1 medium pants to look at………come nah man.  We doh ask fuh much.  Den d thing that put me over the edge is that mankind eh even getting a friggin t-shirt.  Maybe ah been spoiled past few years…….but yuh would tink ah dropping $400+ ah could get ah t-shirt.   Well its too late now d ball already rolling.

I will not rehash meh 3 visits to the Spice Mas Camp once they relocated to the Hilton……….Instead I go give suggestions.

1) Leave a focking number allyuh could be reached at since the old number was no longer working.

2) When people come to register and allyuh claim d computers down and allyuh take people info saying allyuh go call when it back up………..keep allyuh word and do it.  Months allyuh sucking salt in a empty mas camp and when people come to give allyuh dey money allyuh ill equipped to handle d simplest task.

3) Hire some motivated and professional adults and get rid of  dem utterly dotish pissing tail little girls who obviously just dey because dey is either family or looking for free costumes.  With the exception of the 2 dreadlocked ladies and d chiney young lady wearing glasses distributing costumes.………..everybody else we interacted with was worthless and dunce.

4) Hey Anya.  Try looking like a businesswoman and not a dotard.  When there is utter chaos going on in the business yuh in charge of It doh look good gliding around the mas camp floor chomping on Doritos or sipping a glass of wine.

5) Rocky oye.  Yuh was looking kinna busy at d camp eh……….but results pardna results…….d place was still operating like it was some 5 year old running it other than seasoned mas people.  Was it really a “breakoff of Tribe or did they  get rid of allyuh?

6) Dem 2 geriatrics allyuh had moving about d place was as useless as the idiotic pissing tail little girls……..just taking up space and oxygen.

7) so yuh mean to say is Carnival time and allyuh couldnt put a little sound system in d place so mankind could listen to some Soca tuh help ease all d unnecessary tension allyuh cause.

8.) Allyuh dotish.  And here is why.  That bottleneck and near riot created on Saturday could have been avoided if allyuh was giving people dey costumes during the week REGARDLESS of if they registered locally or online.  And t make matters worst allyuh had a thick sauce giving out numbers as people entered the Hilton Ballroom for people to later find out the number system was NOT being followed.  KFC on Independence Square does rum smoother than dat madness allyuh created off of pur stupidity and no common sense.

9) This was a real Mickey Mouse operation eh.  Allyuh really had no clue how to monitor the mas camp floor and delegate responsibilities as needed. Imagine allyuh had people sitting down wit dey thumbs in dey bottom to collect money when manpower was needed to register new masqueraders. And here is a clue………. The payment and registration stations respectively should not take more than 8 minutes by your employees……..but no is 1 setta la la in dey.   Taking dey focking time because ah guess dey eh have no real boss to answer for dey piss poor work habits.

10) Allyuh know d cash machine at d Hilton eventually run out of money right.  Figure out what allyuh do wrong.

Monday and Tuesday on D Road

Well Monday we made it out late because we was playing Jouvert and a certain fella wanted to take ah hour rest before hitting d road.  We  ketch up to d band as dey was nearing QRC for lunch.  So d trucks pull up on d side street near d death trap entrance for the rest stop and Truck # 2 labeled Merry Perry starts playing some shit that cannot be identified as music of our culture.  Allyuh know dat shit dat dey does be playing in Zen when d room get smokey and dem children does start behving like dey on ecstasy….yeah dat shit.  Imagine you spend your hard earned money to come enjoy yuh culture in yuh country of birth and some kakahole DJ decide he want to play foreign shit music on d last few days of yuh trip.   After cussing for a few minutes we decided to enter thru the bottleck for food.  Im going to keep it short.  The food was shit and the lines were long.  And drinks were not readily available.  I eh a picky fella but doh claim to be a premier band and yuh cah deliver basic services.  Back on d road and decided to stay clear of Truck #2 as much as possible because there was a good chance fire and brimstone would start raining.  The rest of Monday had nothing special to offer.  My drink of choice Angostura 1919 ran out although it was advertised and that put me in a bad place emotionally.  Me and d lady stayed with the last 2 trucks since they offered the best options.  And the day ended as it started.   For some reason we ended up by that focking Merry Perry truck and as we hit near Globe Cinema dem kakaholes started playing dat shit foreign music again.  I was really contemplating an act of violence but decided it was just best to head home and look forward to the adventures of Tuesday.

So Tuesday morning reach and no we not reaching no band dat hour in d morning in dat part of town.  We end up catching up to dem around 9 up by d hospital.  Ant it was actually a nice little stop in dat area dat reminded me of the Poison days just stuck in d hot sun for a few hours waiting tuh cross d Savannah Stage.  Seeem like we was getting a more wider variety of music and the DJ did mention that the drinks truck would be leaving since it was almost stage crossing time.  Have tuh give dem a bligh for clear communication.  So we cross d stage to the much deserved Soca Monarch and Roadmarch winning tune……….PALANCE………..and rounded the Savannah towards QRC Grounds for lunch.  Same shit with the bottleneck to get into the grounds.  Its not that we didnt appreciate the security efforts eh know……but using that small gated entrance was not very practical and dangerous.  The food sucked again excpt for the Arabic food.  Yes there was food that was not fit for a pothound to eat.  And once again like clockwork……. NO MORE 1919.  After leaving QRC we headed towards Roxy and then up Arapita Avenue.  The pace, music and energy level of the band was pretty good.  The most energy I have picked up in a band in the past 3-4 years was crossing the Synergy stage on Arapita Avenue and the stage at South Quay.  Now this is where they ended on a very shitty note.  Everybody knows that downtown Port of Spain is the most vulnerable area for Carnival…….especially when it dark.  And with that…..these jackasses abandoned their masqueraders as we reached the Promenade by Frederick Street.  When you see the few open Gays who were prancing around the safe confines of the security ropes Monday and Tuesday make a mad dash for the “Rest Maxi” which then sped off……..yuh know is time tuh secure yuh crew and head home.

Conclusion

Ah really wasnt planning to type this much but I think its important for people to get what they pay for……..I can safely say that Spice did their masqueraders a disservice on EVERY possible level from start to finish.  Allyuh sucked from registration to Tuesday.  Premier mas band my ass.  I wouldnt give allyuh a mango stand on d side of d road to run because allyuh would fock dat up easy and without apology.  The conclusion that I come to is that this mas thing is a game and not a business to allyuh.  Ah have to laugh at d follies I see allyuh pulling because allyuh relly doh care bout nobody but allyuh little circle of friends and family.  Recogition should be given to the handful of competent workers mentioned earlier from the mascamp, bar staff, rope and security personnel.  And the biggest bligh to the Masqueraders of Spice who didnt behave like savages and respected each other on the road and in the mas camp……..although you were put into negative situations by Spice Management to easily lose your cool on any given day.  Spice grade fuh C2K10 is a D fuh dummies.

EDIT: and yeah dat blue headpiece on dem woman did look like dey plucked d feathers off a dead cobo and den dye d feathers blue.  horrible.





We come out to wine…dey come out to stab

23 02 2010

Alright…so…carnival is over and the tabanka is setting in and of course there is plenty to discuss. Of course we must speak on the music and the fetes and the road. But I am not starting there. People want to talk about costume and who eh get in dey section and who pull dey feathers and whole set ah caca. For my beginning I want to discuss the end and address some of allyuh fellas that seem to have NO FORKIN BEHAVIOR!!!!!!

Now…I was on the road Monday and Tuesday and witnessed, as usual, an abundance of beautiful women on de road barely dressed. Lawd they could give people a complex! Anywho, as usual the man to woman ratio is ridiculous! Plenty men have gotten a clue and have started to play mas to take part on de endless buffet of bam bam rolling. However, it seems like some ass clowns still cyah take a forkin hint and instead of drinkin and jamming a woman they looking to come out and cause problems fuh people! Tell me why it’s Tuesday night, I wining low, jamming on my man in de road afterparty…head feeling nice…DJ’s only saying we goin till morning…we goin till morning…next ting braps…uhm…de authorities have requested that we shut down. Huh? Shut down? Why?!?!? Well let me tell you why. Some forkin clowns decide that instead of jamming on woman they would be more excited stabbing man! Seriously? Allyuh just idle so? Who de fack does that? Excuse meh French Spanish and Portugese eh but them idiots need a good knife stab in dey bottom hole because who de fork does decide to come out and start to stab up people just so? Yuh not robbing. Yuh not fighting fuh yuh woman. Yuh just feel to come stab people? St. Ann’s was fully booked carnival time or wha? Imagine you wining wit no behavior and next thing you look down and blood pouring out just so carnival Tuesday night. Dat is NOT de ending anybody is looking for! We come out to have fun and man come out to stab. Bun out dem assholes yes. Literally need to throw some oil and light dey ass on forkin fire! I am so vex as I write this. I tried to wait a lil bit before I addressed this but just thinking of it I am vex all over again! Dat is rhell shit! Three people were said to be stabbed in the area. I know of one for sure. One and all is too many!!!!!!!!! My request to allyuh idle men dat feel yuh to “manly” to play mas…stay yuh manly ass at home on Carnival Monday and Tueday.

Doh come cocking up yuh dutty pelvis lookin fuh wine when my band pass. Doh stretch yuh nasty manly hand pass de ropes trying to grasp my costumed bottom. And doh come looking to fight with the men who have sense enough to pay they money and have a nice time. Stay home and wine up and caress yuh knife and gun. Give them a hard wine and a jook and when de night falls…have yuh way with dem.

This is Sweet Ting and I am signing off…I will be back with my reviews of de music fetes and de road fuh 2010. Bless up!





Looking Forward Tuh: FALL OUT FETE……Friends Are Long Lasting

25 01 2010





The Jumbie Dat Stole Carnival……….Rah

25 01 2010

“Like We Need Blood in We Vains…….Dais How We Feel Bout Port-ah-Spain”.  Ah have ah feeling a lesson is being taught fuh C2K10.  By who yuh ask.  Well take ah guess.  9 out 10 times which artist does the masses look forward to seeing perform at a fete?  Which artist allyuh know infuses energy in a fete that makes the stushest of stush get on like a George Street Wajang.  So I was watching d Funeral ah mean Amnesia d odder night and folks………if this is a sign of what the season ahead holds……well we in trouble.  Lets look beyond the crowd which was clearly mourning the loss of $500 for this event………not 1 band or performer stood out.  Actually they all seem mediocre and shitty.  Yes ALL ah dem.  Zero vibes.  So maybe its just me out here in d cold feeling this way.  Nah…..ah dey talking tuh a few ah meh boys home and dey say d place doh have no vibes.  Well it kinna early so maybe things might pick up like how d Breathalyzer law snagged its 1st 6 violators dis past weekend.  BTW…….that Breathalyzer is a rell vibes killer eh.  Ah hearing rell people fraid tuh take a little drink here and there yes.   So long story short……….between the Breathalyzer Jumbie and d hiding Jumbie………things looking rell lame right now.  But who knows…….he might fly eeen like Super Grover and save d Festival.







A Horn is a Horn….only when you take it on…

8 01 2010

So fellas it’s been a while…well ah reach back just in time to make sure allyuh knowing how to play yuh position for de carnival season. I know plenty of allyuh talk a good game and all but when it all boils down to it, it’s really just talk. I know of some fellas dat does like to play a little game carnival time called “Ah vex!”. They does suddenly get vex for some unexplained reason and look to make argument with they woman or suddenly do some kinda silent treatment. The goal here is to have yuh woman wondering what wrong…maybe she do something wrong…maybe you find out something. This time yuh eh know shit and eh vex about nothing. You just looking to cause just enough confusion fuh allyuh to be separate fuh carnival time. Allyuh feel yuh rhell bright eh? But when yuh hear de shout Carnival Tuesday reach, yuh woman wining down de road wit a drink in one hand and she bottom rolling on a man. Oh! Wait! How dat happen?Eh heh! Yuh feel only you could be vex right? She should be home wondering wha wrong with you right? WRONG!!!!! Let me tell you like this. If you decide that you rather go see what is out on de road carnival time instead of what yuh done have…doh be surprise when yuh woman bottom rolling up and down Frederick street. Nobody staying home to think about you carnival time. So it’s best you make yuh decision ahead of time and stick with it. Here is my top 5 list of DON’Ts.

DO NOT:

  1. DO NOT go pulling no man off yuh woman if she is willingly wining on him. Is she waist and she have all rights to fling it where she want.
  2. DO NOT try and watch she cut eye like she doing something wrong. Ent is you dat didn’t want she latched on to you carnival time? Well…yuh get yuh wish!
  3. DO NOT decide now that yuh want yuh partner to go down de road with. NAH! Stick to yuh damn plan. After carnival yuh could decide if you want to reconcile. Carnival Monday and Tuesday is no time for couples therapy on de road.
  4. DO NOT begin to follow she by a few feet and cut yuh eye at every man that approaches her. Stop yuh shit. Move to a next section and find somebody else to entertain yuh. It’s like allyuh does only see de 45 to 1 ratio when yuh woman home sewing up yuh holey draws. As she reach out in de road in panty and beads and not with you suddenly is like she alone in de band.
  5. DO NOT make a fackin scene in de band! Do not do it! Somebody will be there with camera on hand and will catch you being an ass right on camera and dat shit will be all over youtube, facebook, and wherever else could post before yuh could wash de carnival sweat from under yuh left nut. Please go peacefully…pat yuh back about yuh great idea and wonderful plan and go like yuh fackin self. It is carnival time and she done having a time…no need to spoil your own.

This is Sweet Ting signing off…please remember…a horn could only be a horn if yuh take it on. Bless.





Time Tuh Wine Again in 2K10: Ducking Yuh Woman Fuh Carnival

7 01 2010

Ah have a confession tuh make.  Since I started this blog there has been a change and ah have been living a lie.  Past few years ah have been playing mas wit meh woman.  BUT fuh 2010 ah going back to d ways of d manlaws.  Carnival ManLaw #5 states:  ” Thou shalt NOT play in same section as wife or girlfriend” and I have gone against the brotherhood from island to island and state to state.  But today I say no more.  Ah liberating meh waist again fuh d 2 thousand and 10.  So Ah come up with a few excuses tuh hit she wit as to why ah not going Carnival again or to stop she from going……….. but she eh go know  go be jamming down d road in Port of Spain while she up here in d cold.  #1 is mine feel free tuh use it and ah added 9 more.  If we fellas eh look out fuh each other nowadays is pure sufferation and salt.

  • [s]Wine Flu pronounced small wine flu not to be confused with Swine Flu.  This is meh fool proof excuse.  Baby I in d hospital and dey say ah have Swine Flu.  I have to be on medication fuh d next 10 days and have tuh stay quarantined in d house.  Oh gosh baby ah sorry but we go make it thru dis.  Fellas dis 1 is a winner and if yuh worried bout long distance calls……….Magic Jack and “loss” yuh cellphone.  Here is the link http://www.magicjack.com/7/index.asp and all yuh need is a internet connection.  Yuh go ketch plenty small wine wit dis plan.
  • Call Homeland Security and report she as an enemy combatant who looking to go train in d hills of Mt St Benedict with Al Qaeda monks to come back America tuh cause catastrophic damage
  • Have 1 of yuh police friends that she dont know visit her and tell she that you witnessed a murder and was taken into protective custody until things blow over in a few days
  • Surprise I got the promotion.  Bad news is that I will be away training for the next 10 days and wont be able to call often.  But tuh make it up we could take a little run away fuh d weekend when ah reach back from training.
  • Pay one ah yuh frens tuh lock she in d soundproof basement with enough food fuh 2 weeks.
  • Get “kidnapped” d week before allyuh suppose to leave and send she video wit yuh pardnas posing as kidnappers who using yuh computer expertise to crack some government database and dey go kill yuh if she even blink at a police.
  • Feed she some brooklax dat go keep she on d bowl fuh 2 days and convince she dat she go make a standby flight d next day and yuh go be waiting fuh she
  • Throw away she passport d night before allyuh leaving and convince but d standby flight again knowing damn well all dem flights overbooked.
  • Take a business trip outta state or better yet d country and get into an “accident” wey dey pronounce yuh dead or cah find yuh body and dey eh go be able to ship yuh body back home fuh a couple ah days.
  • Start hearing voices and talking back to dem.  Den get yuh family tuh do an intervention where yuh get committed into d madhouse…………

***Disclaimer***

Baby if yuh read dis is not really me writing dis is dese damn voices in meh head………wait…..wat yuh juss say dey Camboulay? 8)





We Wining Again Fuh Carnival 2K10: Breathalyzer Pressure

5 01 2010

Major Issue For C2K10

Wais d rell scene with this Breathalyzer law people .  Word on d streets  is dat  mankind could only drink 2 beer.  What about womankind?  Is 2 Shandy fuh dem?  I been searching to see what the legal  Blood Alcohol Content limit set by this new legislation.  But ah better off trying tuh find a headcount fuh d number of people actually registered with Spice.  But dat is anodder story.  It never ceases to amaze me how the  d primary focus of TnT government is tuh always keep d people ignorant and uninformed.  So anybody who could direct meh to d law online or in d papers or even a pamphlet drop meh a line.  No ah not going tuh d Red House tuh look fuh it.  Bout 2 friggin beers.  I does have at least 4 fuh breakfast.  Stupes.  So wat will drinkers like mehself do fuh d Carnival season.  Well we WILL be drinking.

Understand this………..true drinkers know when tuh start and when tuh stop.  True drinkers know dey LIMITS.  True drinkers do NOT get behind the wheel of a vehicle drunk.  That 2 beer limit is kakahole thinking………yes is kakaholes running d government………2 beers fuh ah 150 pound man/woman is different fuh a 200 pound man/woman.  Alcohol tolerance will differ from person to person.  2 beers is like a small cup of orange juice fuh men who does drink Puncheon, Alcolada Lotion, Limacol and Bay Rum.  So let we have a quick recap………we dont know what the legal Blood Alcohol Level should be since it have not been published and we drinking responsibly anyway.  So what is d master plan.  D plan is tuh let d system beat itself.  Last check dem take too long to test d 1st and only suspected drunk driver.

1) There will be roadblocks and traffic will be backed up…………pull over tuh d side ah d road and get out of d driver seat……….sleep until d police gone.  If dey approach yuh vehicle tell dem yuh designated driver abandon yuh and yuh doing d responsible ting by not driving.  As far as I know is only drunk driving if yuh driving d car while drunk.

2)  If a lie detector can be beaten den a Breathalyzer machine could get fool too.  There are some special breathing exercises that yuh might be able to pick up in yoga, deep-sea diving or kung-fu training.  If the machine can’t get a proper reading den yuh safe.

3)  Vomit and/or tutu yuhself when d police stop yuh and tell dem yuh eh feeling too good.  With this strategy yuh might end up in St Anns and miss Carnival all together so watch yuh self.  I go either repulse dem or make dem madda dan dat.  And remember doh tell dem “Ahhhm not drunk so haul yuh khunt”

4)  Fete withing walking distance tuh yuh bed, Dont Drink or Have d 2 beers limit like a little gal.

5) Hire an extremely reliable driver who doh fete and only looking tuh make money fuh d season.

6) For those who realize meh list dotish yuh could buy a home Breathalyzer machine for $60-$80 US dollars and be safe rather than sorry.  Here is a link http://www.bestbuy.com/site/BACtrack+-+Select+Breathalyzer/9558935.p?skuId=9558935&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=9558935&ref=06&loc=01&id=1218124206611

7) Be Smart and Unselfish…………. Drink Responsibly and Arrive Alive

Next:  Meh Woman Tink Ah Home But Ah Out Dey On D Streets:  Ducking Yuh Woman Fuh Wining Season